


Homesick

by elletromil



Series: Stockings by the fireplace [27]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Amnesia, Amnesiac!Harry, Angst, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, That is no longer established
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-11 09:17:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17444126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elletromil/pseuds/elletromil
Summary: After being half-drowned, Harry really doesn't want to see anyone. But there's something in Merlin's dark eyes that makes it very for him to throw him out of his room.





	Homesick

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Arlessiar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arlessiar/gifts).



> Merry belated Christmas! I really hope you had a great time during the holidays darling!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this little gift. The prompt you gave was so bittersweet, I couldn't resist. It turned out a bit angstier than I expected and maybe more than you might have wanted to, so if you want a fluffy fix-it, do not hesitate to ask :)
> 
> And I just wanted to say a big thank you just for you being you. My greatest memories in fandom are about the people I meet and you're at the top of that list! So yes, thank you for all the happy memories :D🧡

The door to his room opens and Harry tenses. He doesn’t want to see anyone else. He has had enough. He still has no idea who the newcomers think he is, but he is _not_ that person. And after all he’s been through today, he’s not sure he would ever want to be.

“What do you want now?” His mother would have his head for this poor show of manners, but it’s all been too much. He can’t even muster the pretense that he’s a gentleman anymore.

He feels slightly guilty when he looks up and catches the bald man’s wincing at his words. But he’s not apologizing. Not after nearly being drowned.

And apparently, the man -- Merlin, he said his name was -- doesn't want an apology either. He raises one of his hands in a placating manner and Harry would glare and growl, but he also notices the towel he's holding in the other and it looks big and soft and _warm_.

Without wanting to, he feels his expression softens into something more welcoming and Merlin takes a few steps closer. There is still enough distance left between them that Harry doesn't feel crowded in and he appreciates it. The good doctor Ginger is usually the only one who has as much consideration for him.

Not that he’s come into contact with that many other people since waking up here.

But he's always felt like whoever was interacting with him only saw him as a ticking bomb.

Not Merlin though.

As he holds out the towel for Harry to grab, he only looks worried and not for himself. Worried for _Harry_.

He would ponder on it, but the towel turns out to be as fluffy as it looked like and he still feels drenched.

For a moment or two, he forgets he's not alone in the room anymore. A part of it is because he's not used to having any visitor. Another is because for some reason he can’t explain, there's something _comforting_ to Merlin's presence. _Familiar_.

That little realisation makes him tense all the more tightly with anxiety and confusion. He has never liked not knowing and this is the last straw.

But when he turns toward Merlin to demand answers, all the fight leaves him as soon as their eyes meet.

There's something soft and kind in the dark eyes, something Harry wants to trust.

But what makes him deflate like a balloon is the pain that is buried in there. It's well-hidden and he doesn't know how he can see it, but he does. Merlin is hurting -- has probably been hurting for a long time to be able to hide it so well -- and he is trying so hard to be _strong_.

And Harry… Harry feels his heart break for some reason.

He accepts the new clothes without saying anything but a quick thank you, blushing when Merlin turns away to let him change. It's the polite thing to do of course, but it makes him look at Merlin as another _man_ instead of a stranger. And he's exactly the kind of man Harry has always noticed even if he has never once acted on it.

Thankfully, he’s got his blush under control by the time he's done putting on the dry clothes.

He clears his throat and Merlin faces him again, a sad smile on his lips that Harry wishes he could kiss away. He does nothing of the sort of course. Not because it would be improper, but because it would be cheap.

Who is he to think he can distract Merlin away from his sadness? He knows nothing of the man.

He doesn't protest when Merlin pulls down the sheets on the bed for him. He even lets the man help him onto the mattress. It doesn't matter that he's entirely capable of doing it himself.

Merlin doesn't touch him more than he needs to, but there is something oh so very gentle in how he does so that makes Harry leans into it anyway.

It should feel weirder to get tucked into bed, but for the first time in a long while, Harry feels _safe_.

“I'm so sorry Harry. For everything.”

The polite thing would be to pretend it's already forgotten. But he doesn't want to lie. Not to that man. If it's absolution he's looking for, Harry cannot give it to him.

“Okay,” he replies softly instead.

Merlin nods in understanding, as if he expected this answer. He's not quite resigned, but guilt accentuates the lines of sadness on his face.

Harry nearly reaches with a hand to smooth them out, but he stops himself before he can make a fool of himself.

For a long time, Merlin just stands there, in silence. It's not as awkward as Harry is sure it should be.

Even if it's ridiculous, Harry kind of want to ask him to stay. He’s well past the age of needing night lights and teddy bears, but nonetheless, he feels like nothing could get to him under Merlin's watchful gaze.

Not even the nightmares he never remembers but always leave him reeling.

Then Merlin opens his mouth, but seems to think better of it before he can say anything and shakes his head sheepishly. His smile is even more sad when he finally wishes him goodnight and leaves the room.

Harry takes a shaky break once the door closes behind him and does his best to fight the tears.

He's never felt more homesick before.


End file.
